


In Shadows and Sunshine

by she_is_destroyer_of_worlds



Category: The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue Series - Mackenzi Lee
Genre: 18th Century, 18th century london, Book: The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Monty and Percy deserve the world, Monty loves Percy, POV Monty, Percy and Monty being cute, Percy loves Monty, Percy/Monty, Romantic Fluff, angsty monty, please enjoy, this is so fluffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:29:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22990252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/she_is_destroyer_of_worlds/pseuds/she_is_destroyer_of_worlds
Summary: As Monty and Percy settle into their new life in London, they get to embrace all that it is to love someone, even when the world feels like it's against you.
Relationships: Henry "Monty" Montague/Percy Newton
Comments: 15
Kudos: 80





	1. The Most Glorious Thing

Over the years my body had become a patchwork of memories and touch. My jaw alternated in places I’d been kissed and beaten, my hands had been used to touch someone’s face one instant while shielding my own face the next. There were days when I woke up shocked to find most of my skin pale and unmarked, though I knew by heart where every bruise once lingered. The scars were easily passed off as accidents and the lies fell off my lips so naturally I almost started to believe them. Violence and pleasure overlapped at every bit of my skin. I once thought that this was always the case; that my freedom and happiness always had to be paid for in pain. I’d never been good with numbers but every interaction I had warranted a calculation. What was this touch worth in beatings? What was this night worth in later disappointment? Nothing was ever permanent. I was never permanent. I was always a passing convenience, to be used to fill whatever surface level needs were had. Gone by morning, gone in an instant, it was always the same. Gone.

And then there was Percy. Percy, who had always been there, as a friend and as well...whatever we were now. Who wasn’t gone by morning and who smiled when he woke up to my face and who was somehow convinced that he loved me enough to stay. I’d seen the finest palaces of Europe, dined amongst aristocracy and royals, and kissed many an interesting character, but nothing and no one had come close to what it felt like to be with Percy. Percy, with his curls and dimples and warm skin. Curled up beside me, fast asleep. He was the most glorious thing on this great earth. Of that I had no doubt. 

I rolled over in bed so I was on my back and my ear was suddenly exposed to the sounds of London. The sound of a horse’s hooves clip-clopped by and the carriage wheels behind it creaked across the cobblestone. By the soft light drifting through the slats of our flat’s windows, I could tell it must be early morning. London was slowly waking up. Percy on the other hand was still asleep, just barely snoring. His hair was a mess about him, which I found absolutely adorable, though I knew he wouldn’t be thrilled to attempt to tame it later this morning when he finally woke up. As creepy as it occasionally felt, I did love watching him sleep. He looked at peace in a way that he rarely did when he was awake. The sound of his breathing sounded like the ocean and I couldn’t help but think back to Santorini and those glorious sunny days. The gray of London couldn’t seem to compete. 

I moved myself to face him, so that I was directly staring at him and as if he knew, his eyes fluttered open. His eyes grew wide, startled, but in an instant they relaxed and his face broke out in a smile. He stared lazily at me, his face still sleepy.

“Watching me while I sleep, hmmm?” he asked teasingly.

“I can’t help that I have my own Adonis in bed beside me,” I quipped back. “You’re too pretty not to look at.” 

At that he smiled even wider and reached a hand out for my face. I was getting better at not flinching every time he tried to touch me but the fear behind it still hovered in my chest. Shame was still an untamed beast in me and it lashed out when I least expected it to. I’d never allowed myself the luxury of a moment like this. But then again, I’d never been able to. Not until Percy. But God, now that I knew how good this could be, I felt simultaneously more invincible and more fragile. For everything I stood to gain, I stood to lose it as well. 

_ “Please don’t break my heart, Percy  _ ,” I prayed silently. 

I thought about every time I wished something like this could happen, every time I had to hold back my hands that just wanted to touch his face, to feel his skin beneath mine. And now he was here. And he wanted to touch me. And I was so scared that the minute he did, I’d wake up and this would all be some elaborate dream. But then his fingers brushed my jawline, the same one that used to get hit with punches for that very reason, and he didn’t disappear and neither did I. We were both still here, in bed together, in London, living some impossible dream. 

He pulled me in closer and kissed me with sloppy gusto and I kissed him back with the same. My legs tangled up with his and I could feel the heat radiating from him. I pressed in as close as I could, letting him wrap his arms around me and hold me. My head eventually came to settle on his chest, where it rose and fell with Percy’s breathing. I could feel his heartbeat and I let its steady beat settle into my bones. 

I found myself thinking of my younger self and wondering what he’d think of all this. Not of the kissing or the sex or anything like that, though I’m sure he’d be as pleased with that as my current self was. No, I wondered what he’d think of being held by someone he loved and just being with them. Feeling their arms around him, anchoring him back to this world. I couldn’t help but think back to Eton and how many times I just wanted the touch of another human being to remind me that I was here, that I mattered. And how every time, I always just ended up feeling more empty. I always had my heart broken. 

With Percy I felt full. He warmed me up the way whiskey did on a cold night, like a fire in my belly. I loved him.

I loved him I loved him I loved him. 


	2. So Let's Dance

Percy came home with a grin on his face.  
“What?” I asked, a smile tugging at my own lips just from looking at him.  
“We’re going out tonight,” he announced.  
My smile drooped and I looked at him skeptically. “Please don’t tell me we’re going to the opera again.”  
He rolled his eyes at me dramatically and laughed. “First of all, we had a lovely time at the opera and I don’t know why you hate it so much.”  
I opened my mouth to protest but he was quick to continue. “Second of all, no, we’re not going to the opera. But there will still be music where we’re going.”  
My eyes narrowed as they looked up at him, still unsure.  
“Don’t look too excited there, Monty,” Percy replied, stepping closer to me and giving my shin a playful nudge with his foot. “I thought you loved going out!”  
“I do!” I protested. “We just have very different definitions of fun…”  
This time he kicked me for real, laughing all the while.  
“I promise you’ll enjoy this one. Come on, we’ll dress up real nice and everything!”  
I thought of Percy, all dressed up in his finest clothes and I immediately conceded.  
“Fine! We’re going out!”

I was pulling up my stockings when I caught him looking over at me, his face nearly blank as he stared at me with rapt attention. My face broke into a smile.  
“What?” I asked, grinning.  
He tried to suppress a smile.  
“Nothing,” he blushed.  
“You’re a terrible liar, Percy Newton,” I called back, now in the process of putting my shoes on.  
He sighed as dramatically as possible. “Well, I can’t help but stare at you, Henry Montague. You’re too damn good looking.”  
He said my name so gently that I almost didn’t recognize it as my own. Percy almost never called me by my full name. He knew what came along with that name, that ‘Henry Montague’ was nearly always spit out with venom and thrown at my feet like a curse. But on Percy’s lips, it was something different. Something soft, something familiar, something that felt mine. He was the only one I trusted with it.  
I realized I’d been quiet for too long and I flashed a cocky smile back at him and tousled my hair. “Well of course darling,” I finally replied. “I’m well aware of that fact.”  
Making a show of it, I looked him up and down in all his finery. “And if we’re being honest, I think you look quite dashing as well,” I added, trying to sound as casual as possible.  
In an instant he was right there, his mouth a breath away from mine. My hands grabbed his coat in fistfulls and closed the gap between us. When we finally broke apart, Percy rested his forehead in my hair and held me close.  
“Let’s just stay home,” I whined. “Looking at you in those clothes makes me want to do unspeakable things to you that are best not carried out in public.”  
Percy started to giggle, lifting his head up off mine and staring down at me.  
“I’d rather make you wait for it,” he replied finally.  
“Bastard,” I whispered back, a wry smile forming on my mouth.

We finally managed to leave our lodgings, though not without a few more playful kisses as we grabbed our final things and headed out the door. I still had no idea where we were headed, but I blindly followed Percy, trusting him to have some semblance of a direction in mind.  
In the shadows of the quiet streets, I let my fingers lace through his and for a moment we got to pretend to be like everyone else. And then some noise spooked us and the gap between us widened. Our shoes clicked along the cobblestones for some time before we finally reached our destination. There were loads of people now, all dressed in their finery, headed towards the glimmering lights of Vauxhall Gardens. I couldn’t suppress the smile growing on my face.  
“We’re going to Vauxhall?!” I exclaimed.  
I’d had my eye on London’s pleasure gardens for a long while, entranced by the stories and glamour that I’d heard while out and about in the city. Percy gave me a knowing smile.  
“I thought we could spare a couple shillings to have a nice night out for once.”  
“I always love an excuse to feel like a proper gentleman,” I replied, rolling my shoulders back and putting on a haughty expression.  
Percy laughed and nudged my shoulder with his own. It took an effort to finally enter the gardens, but then we were suddenly surrounded by glowing lamps and people in all different extravagant outfits. Percy automatically headed in the direction of where the music was and I followed close behind him. We ended up in quite a large crowd, full of faces all looking each other up and down. More than a few dashing ladies batted their eyes in my direction and I responded with my usual charm and smiled back at them. Percy just rolled his eyes at me the whole time, trying not to smile too widely.  
“You’re not jealous, Mr. Newton?” I asked playfully.  
“Jealous? Not at all, Mr. Montague,” he replied before leaning close so he was whispering right into my ear. “I know whose bed you’ll be sharing tonight and it won’t be any of theirs.”  
At that I grinned.

The concert itself was fine, and the music lively, though I far more enjoyed the sport of watching all the other patrons. We were all on display here, all trying to play some part. I liked reading their faces, all lit up by the hundreds of lamps around us, guessing about who they were and of course who wanted to sleep with who. Amorous intentions were the easiest to pick out and the privacy of the gardens of course made for the perfect place for a pair to disappear into for a small bit of time. Couples clung to each other as they watched the musicians play, and others let their eyes wander around in search of a willing companion. My younger self would’ve relished every thought of such an opportunity. Now, I still basked in the attention sent my way from ladies and lads alike but diffused their glances. I was already claimed by someone. Instead I looked over at Percy, who was enraptured by the music the entire time and stood with absolute concentration. I tried to picture the inside of his brain, whirring along as he made sense of the melodies and I reminded myself to ask him to play his violin for me soon.  
It was nearing the end of the concert the Percy tapped my arm and motioned with his head for our exit from the crowd. Brow furrowed, I shot him a confused look but followed him all the same, shoving through the throng of people that were gathered all around us.  
“Where are we --?”  
Percy cut me off with his hand. “Shush and follow me.”  
I trusted him far too much to question the matter further and so I kept close behind him. Being as subtle as he could, Percy pulled me into the dark edges of the park, behind a large flowering bit of shrubbery. In soft whispers all around us, we could hear other couples who had also sought solace in the darkness. In the dim lighting Percy was barely more than a dark outline of a body, and I reached my hand out slowly to touch his face, my fingers lightly brushing his cheek. He took my face with both hands, lightly but with purpose, and leaned in to kiss me.  
“You’re being quite bold tonight,” I whispered softly.  
“Being with you makes me feel brave,” he breathed back, his voice close to my ear.  
“I could say the same about you,” I replied.  
The sound of nearby footsteps made us freeze for a moment, but it was just a tipsy couple sneaking off to their own corner. Percy breathed a sigh of relief and turned back to face me.  
“I was listening to that music and I couldn’t stop thinking about how I just wanted to dance with you,” he said quietly.  
“So let’s dance,” I whispered back.  
He wrapped his hands around my waist and our bodies swayed softly to the far away music that floated around us. I laid my head on his shoulder, and with my ear buried in the fabric of his clothes, I couldn’t hear a thing except for Percy’s breathing.  
The music must have stopped after some time because eventually Percy paused and just  
hugged me close.  
“Ready to go home, darling?” I asked.  
He took a moment to answer, staring out at the illuminated garden. The lights reflected off his eyes and made them seem almost ethereal. Then he looked back down at me and even in the dark I could tell that he was smiling.  
“Yes, let’s head home.”

I didn’t know what in particular had done it, but the night had set my heart aflame. Every time I thought I couldn’t fall deeper in love with Percy, he managed to surprise me. I didn’t know how to not burst at the thought of him and how sweet it was that he wanted to dance with me and how he’d held me so gently in the darkness. God, I didn’t know how I’d gotten so lucky to be loved by him. And how I got to love him in return.  
We skipped home together like two intoxicated schoolboys, arms linked together. We were drunk with love and fearlessness. I wanted to yell out to all of London how much I loved Percy Newton. My face hurt from smiling and I couldn’t wait to get back home, to be with him. My feet ached too, but the night was too perfect for me to ruin with my complaints (though part of me was still tempted to have Percy carry me on his back like he’d done before). After an eternity, we managed to reach home and tumbled through the door driven by part exhaustion part lust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a historical note: the Vauxhall gardens were a super hopping place at this time, though if my estimation of when Monty and Percy are around is correct, the height of Vauxhall and other Pleasure Gardens is a bit later, so I'm playing a little loose with dates here. :)
> 
> Also stay tuned for one final chapter!


	3. Into the Sun

It was easy to forget how many layers we were wearing until I wanted to take them all off quickly and found it to be impossible. There were so many buttons. So many buttons and buckles and knots. I’d once been able to deftly remove my clothes to get to my latest amorous exploit, but my more recent days in less gentlemanly clothes had dulled my skills. I sat in Percy’s lap on the bed fumbling with my waistcoat while kissing him. Finally, he took the lead and in an instant it had been thrown to the floor, with many more garments to follow. My lips followed his jawline and traced his collarbone. 

The last of the candles I’d lit had burned out and in the pitch dark room, we held each other close. I nestled my head into his shoulder, relishing in his warmth. Percy seemed extra quiet beside me, but by the way he was breathing, I could tell he was still awake.  
“What’s wrong, love?” I asked softly, feeling for his hand and winding my fingers through his.  
Percy sighed deeply and paused before answering, like he was searching for his words. Finally, he turned his head to face me.  
“I hate having to only love you in the shadows,” he whispered. “I want to love you in the sunshine too.”  
“Bold of you to assume London has any sunshine,” I replied jokingly.  
Even in the dark, I knew he was rolling his eyes and he gave me a playful shove before he turned serious again. “You know what I mean, Monty.”  
I sighed deeply and looked over at him, reaching out to where his head rested. “Yeah, I do.”  
I’d always been so used to hiding these parts of me that it very rarely occurred to me that anyone would want to be seen with me in public, that anyone would want to claim me as theirs. That a boy - and not just any boy but that Percy Newton - would want to hold my hand in the park. That he’d want to kiss me and he’d want the world to know. The thought of it made my heart flutter.  
But what kept us hidden was more than prudish sensibilities. Every touch between us broke the law. Loving him could take us to the gallows. Our apartments were shelter to a world that rathered we didn’t exist. When I thought too hard about it, about the men of parliament gathering in their stupid wigs and making stupid rules about the way England should be, I shook with rage. In my imagination, they always had my father’s face and his cold stare, cutting into me like a knife. I wanted to take them by the shoulders and violently shake them, as if that could bring them to their senses. I wanted them to look out at London and realize that this grimy city was full of all kinds of people and there was more than enough room for everyone in it. That we didn’t have to love and be loved only in the shadows, but in the sunshine too. I hoped that one day it would all be different, that change would come however long it took. For now though, I was still in bed with the boy I loved and got to be indifferent for a moment about what anyone else thought. For that privilege alone I was grateful. I kissed his forehead and we both let the quiet swallow us up until we fell asleep. 

By some chance, I awoke around sunrise and saw the peek of light beneath the curtains. I looked over at Percy, who was passed out beside me, snoring lightly. There had been mornings in Santorini when on the days he woke up in my bed, I had gazed at him for an eternity while listening to the waves. The sun had given him even more freckles and a glow to his skin that seemed to radiate from everywhere (while I in turn was left with red and peeling skin). I thought about what he’d said before we’d fallen asleep, about loving me in the sunshine, and I couldn’t help but long for those carefree weeks in Greece. Though, even there we’d still crept around, at least in the beginning.  
Not long ago, I had been resigned to living a life that would never feel fully like mine. That I would bend to the will of my father and grimace through a mediocre existence. There was never another option, not really. But now there was Percy. Well, there had always been Percy, but now it was different. We’d promised our hearts to each other, not just in friendship, but in something more. In a whole new sense of the word love. And with that, a whole new world had opened up before us both.  
I glanced back at the curtains before looking down at Percy and gently shaking him awake. His face scrunched up as he awoke, his eyes squinting up at me.  
“Wha--,”  
“Wake up for just a minute,” I said quietly. “I want to show you something.”  
I took his hands and dragged him out of bed behind me and he hastily groped around the floor for his dressing gown, which he promptly slid on. The room was chilly upon leaving the warmth of our bed, and so I grabbed my own dressing gown as well, bundling up in it.  
“Monty, it’s so early,” Percy hissed, his eyes half shut with sleep. He leaned against the bedpost to hold himself upright.  
“Shhhh, stop talking, you’re gonna ruin the moment,” I replied, walking over to the window. I looked back at him before very dramatically pulling back the heavy drapes. In an instant, sunlight flooded into the room, turning everything gold. Percy looked at me, confused.  
“I know this is not what you meant last night,” I began, “but I need you to know that I’d kiss you in front of all of London if could,” I said, grabbing his hands and pulling him into the light. He seemed to glow when he stepped into it.  
“I’m not ashamed of loving you, Percy Newton,” I continued, my voice breaking ever so slightly. “I never have been and I never will be. I am so lucky to spend this life with you, no matter what it takes to make that happen. And if this is the only sunshine I ever get to properly love you in, I’ll take it. Loving you is always worth it.”  
Percy’s hands were trembling in mine, and when I properly looked up at his face, there were tears rolling down his cheeks. I raised a hand up to gently wipe them away and he smiled back at me, blushing. He kept opening his mouth to speak and then nothing would come out. He just looked at me, his eyes full of gold and tried not to cry anymore. Finally he gave up on trying to speak and instead wrapped me into a massive hug and held me tight against him.  
“I love you,” he whispered. “I love you I love you I love you.”

We stood there for a long while until we were nearly asleep on our feet, holding each other to keep the other steady. Percy guided us back towards the bed where we both slid back under the blankets. He wrapped his body around mine and I felt instantly warm again, safe in his embrace. I hoped he would never let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
